Baby Steps to Giant Leaps

Three months , 90  short days ago yesterday,  August 26th was my last treatment of chemo. When I first wore a wig outside the house trying to get used to it, even before my hair started to fall out I felt that first day that even driving through town on our way the Kingdom Hall that rainy Sunday morning, that even the other drivers were looking at me , knowing I had a wig on and  that I looked very different.  Some might say  a little paranoid... yes, but more afraid than anything else. If you have been reading my blog since the beginning, you know the wig fears I have had and the problems, like the time it came off when I was getting a message. Or the times at work I would look in my little mirror at my desk  and realize it was sliding to far back, and I had large forehead from it. Other than when Binnie shaved my hair off;  my mom and Richard are the only two who ever saw me without a wig or hat on the entire time.

Up to this day, I have ALWAYS wore a wig outside the house, no matter how I felt or thought I looked. I always felt that I wanted to blend in with everyone and didn't want to look like I have been battling cancer. Some have even said recently that they wished I would start going without my wigs. Easy for them to say!

Today however...... I am happy to say that I have left the house without my wig and went shopping! A giant leap forward in this cancer battle.


Most places I went today, I could tell people were looking at me, but I must have been having a really good day, since I didn't really care. They have no idea what  I have been through and how  scary this was but at the same time what a huge step  this was for me.
Most of the time, the men I saw had hair longer than mine! ( I was jealous of most of them!) Yes, my ears were really cold!
So here it is:

LAST RADIATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today at 5:45pm was my last radiation! YIPEEEEEE.
Having a celebratory martini as I type!

All I have left now is the Herceptin drug every three weeks at Kaiser until June. This I can handle since it doesn't make me sick and I usually go back to work when done. I will be checked every three months with a heart scan to make sure the heart muscle is holding up, since this is the side effect of the drug. And the heart will repair itself once the drug is discontinued should this happen.

This morning Kris texted me and said she was wearing pink today and wearing her wig (Bridgette) since it was my last treatment and did I want to wear pink too. I said yes.
When I got work, I found my desk decorated with pink crepe paper, pink ribbons, pink balloons and a pink boa. As every one came in, all my co-workers were wearing pink too and they all brought food for a food day. There was all kinds of food and even a cake that was pink and white and said congratulations with a pink ribbon on it. I got a basket of flowers/plant and a wine glass that has pink ribbons all over it. My co- workers are amazing, caring, generous, very supportive friends who have been so nice through out this entire process and I say THANK YOU for all they have done!

I have a check up in six weeks with Dr. Kim to check my radiation. I had no sadness in leaving the radiation office today. In fact I wanted to run out of there but I didn't. I did walk right out and say to the receptionist on my way out.. "see in 6 weeks. I didn't stop, I didn't linger.. just wanted out of there! I am sore now and I know in the next few days it will get to be more sore but then it should start to go away.

As Beth put it in an email earlier today:  Woo Hoo!!  Last time hearing the beeps!

Taking It's Toll

With only three treatments, or 15 minutes (5 minutes each time) left, I can really tell that the treatment now is very intense.
When the radiation started, Dr. Kim said that the "fold" under my arm -- or the area where they took out the lymph nodes and seamed the skin together would be the worst. And he is right. My arm in that area is very  sore and red. I can hardly lift my arm strait up over my head. The spot on my neck by my collar bone is doing better since I have been putting bag balm on it a couple times a day and they are not treating that area any more.
I am very ready for this to be over.
what the radiation machine looks like:
The machine at the left and overhead of the person laying down moves around the person, it can go all the way around the person if needed. For me, I have both arms stretched above my head.

radiation end date

November 17th is the end date for radiation!!!

COUNTDOWN: NUMBER 4

Today is going to be treatment number four.!
Yesterday I said I was going to count how many times the machine beeped... well, it was super tough and will have to try again today.
On all my other treatments, up to yesterday, the machine randomly beeped and moved. It moved into 10 different positions around me. Now it moves into 4 positions and the beeps sometimes are long followed by a bunch of really fast smaller beeps ( to clarify if I haven't already, the machine beeps when its administering the radiation). So now that it beeps for a long time in one spot means I am getting a really big dose in that spot. I tried to count,  I think it beebs 70 or 72 times.
Yesterdays treatment was  a lot shorter than before which was nice.
There is lady, I will call her really "talky" that comes in right after me everyday and she has just started her radiation and she is bald as can be and she said she loves it, than turns to me (there was another lady in the waiting room too) and says, " is that a wig? its beautiful. As you can tell, I like not having hair"..
well, what do you say to that? so I just said, "yes, it is a wig, I'm not as brave". and about then I was called to the back, thank goodness. Its not that I don't like talking to people I don't know, but I find some of this treatment kind of personal. I don't care what my friends ask of course and trust me, I have been asked some pretty off the wall questions!

COUNTDOWN: NUMBER 5

Today is the countdown for radiation. Today is number 5... so few left!
When the radiation started, I told myself, "only 33, that's one month", now I know how long it really is!
Today's session, from what I am told, will be directed on the surgery sites and not the overall breast, neck and arm (those area's because there are lymph nodes there). And I am told my time on the table with the machine will be shorter too.
So when I go tonight after work, I will have to re count the irritating sounding beeps!.
I will keep ya'll posted on it, since I know your are just waiting to know !

Arms

Yes my arms always go above my head and each hand holds on to a peg in the table.
the way I lay for the planning session is how I lay for the radiation treatment. That way I am lined up the same way  every single time so the nice colored felt pen markings always line up the same.
There are always two technicians in the room lining me up. They use funny words to each other to make sure I am lined up on both sides and the middle. They will say " Soup", "Ant","Post", "Edge" or sometimes they say "Soup edge"  or "Post Edge". Then once I am lined up with the red lines beaming out of the walls on both sides of me and the machine overhead, they say, "You're all lined up, here we go with treatment" and they leave the room and close the door. (I only know  the door is closed since I can see the reflection in the machine overhead of me, since I can't turn my head to look)

Radiation Planning Session 3

Today my appointment was earlier in the day and was scheduled for at least 45 minutes.
Like the first time I went to radiation, today I laid on the table with the lights out and they marked new places only this time with  green Sharpie pen (last time it was purple) and I got new stickers but mostly they just drew on my skin today. This is in preparation for the last 5 treatments when they zone in on the surgery site. Up until now its been a broad area that they have been treating.
So after the new markings, Dr. Kim comes in and looks and OKs it. I layed there so long I thought my arms were going to fall asleep.(they are stretched above my head holding on to two pegs/handles and its not comfy at all.) Once this was done, I went into the treatment room for my actual radiation treatment. I arrived at 4pm and left at 5:20pm
Today was Thursday, Dr Day; when I met with Dr. Kim I asked him why the treatment is bothering (red, itchy and dry) so far up on my chest. He said that there are lymph nodes up there too so they need to treat them also. I never thought of that. He suggested using a lot of the lotion that is radiation approved that they gave me a while back.
He asked me if I knew how many treatments I had left. I said , " I think its 8" and he said, " I think its 7" so my rely was, " you are the doctor, I'll go with your count".

Estimated Radiation Date

The estimated last day for radiation treatment should be at 6pm on November 18, 2010
Would be sooner, only I am taking a couple days off to go the beach for a long weekend. I will really need it by then! This every day stuff is driving me crazy!