Chemo Day #2

Tomorrow Thursday April 1st is now my scheduled new day to give chemo a second chance. Have the chest port installed and ready to be used. Am a little nervous this time as to what it will feel like and what I will feel like. Will I feel it going into the vein? Will I feel hot? cold? sick? head achy? I guess I will figure that out. Appointment is at 9am. and even though I am scared, I am ready to get the long road ahead started and over with! Brought a thank you card, some tulips and a Starbucks gift card to the hospital today for the anesthesiologist (Kay) that was so nice, helpful,and knowledgeable when I had my chest port surgery. She was very smart about the situation of me not accepting a blood transfusion should it have came to that and I wanted to let her know that as one of Jehovah's Witnesses, I really appreciated her. Hope to sleep OK tonight.

Received My Wigs

Today in the mail I received both the wigs I had ordered. It was a little bit of a mess, but I did get them both and they are the correct wigs and colors I ordered. The longer one is a halo, meaning under the hat, there is not top to it. For summer, with a little hat or scarf, I think it will be cooler than an entire wig. And the short one, is really short in the back but something different for me. Now its just getting past the wearing them outside the house. It takes something to get them on- with the hair I have now, that might change when I don't have hair. And I am super nervous they are slipping up off the top off my head and I wont know it. I guess it will take some getting used to them.

No Chemo Yet

I am still recovering from Tuesdays surgery having the port put in. Yesterday was not a good day. Mom came and spent the day with me. I was throwing up sick, nauseous dizzy and tired. Had a couple calls in to the oncologist and the hospital called to check on me. Binnie came over with some ginger ale and chicken noodle soup. Once I quit taking the pain meds I started to feel better. Appears that I wasn't handling the oxycodone very well. So I had some left from the last surgery, got it out, and it was not the same pills but same labels. When the hospital called I asked about it and turns out they told me to take the meds I had from the last surgery since it was oxycodone with Tylenol. Spent an OK night, just cant lay on either side so that leaves only my back and usually wake up with a sore back. The Kaiser nurse, Kim, called and we decided to start chemo next Thursday on April 1st ( sorry Missy) because she said i needed to heal a little bit and get to feeling better.

Chest Port Installed

Today was the appointment to have my port put in. Mom took me to St. Johns. Had to be there at 10am (by now I am so thirsty and hungry-haven't ate or drank since midnight and I do love my morning coffee!) Got checked in at the first desk for the surgical services and were sent to a different waiting room. Checked in there and decided I better get to the rest room before being called back. Was in the Pre Op room by 11am. Whats the first thing they want from me, a urine sample!. I told them I just went and didn't think they would get one. They hooked up an IV in the top of my hand and put the drip mode to ultra high so I would have to go to the bathroom soon. The IV felt very cold and almost burned because it was dripping so fast. The one RN looked familiar and she said we looked familiar. After talking to her, she and her husband used to own the Ostrander Minit Mart and she hired mom to clean their house. Mom was in pre op with me, had the RN, her name was Kee, went through all the medical questions finally told me she would give me a warm blanket if I gave her a urine sample. ... Eventually, I rang the nurses button and told her I would try and I was successful and I got a warm blanket! The reason for the sample was to make sure I was not pregnant ( funny I know!) since the meds they would be giving me could have problems should I be pregnant and the hospital cant take that chance. Mom and I sat in my little pre op room for quite a while, there was TV to watch but mostly we visited. Finally, the anesthesiologist came in. Explained my stand on the blood issue, that as one of Jehovah's Witnesses due to my Bible training and my conscience I would not take any blood or blood products should a situation come up.(she thought that if a situation did come up, it would spice up her job for the day, but she had never seen it happen in her 22 years of working there) She out right asked if I was one of Jehovah's Witnesses, I said yes. Then she asked me : If in the operating room it comes down to it, would I chose to die rather than take a blood transfusion? Of course my answer was yes. She was fine with that answer. The Dr. who was scheduled to do my operation had to leave, so I ended up with her co-worker. He explained what the port does and where it will be placed and the risks. When he was telling us that he has to find a large main vein and if there is blood loss, there would be a transfusion. So with the anesthesiologist still in the room, mom and I again explained that there would be no transfusion. He said that my surgery, it is about one in one hundred that need a transfusion and to him, that was a very high percentage. We explained our stand again. I don't think he was too happy about it, but was decent about it. We had the anesthesiologist come back in to ask her if there was a situation, what would she do? She explained that there are blood expander's that she would use, along with some meds that would shrink the veins so they would need less blood etc. and she would call mom in the waiting room. She was very nice and I felt good we asked her. However, I felt very nervous that this could be a situation, so I prayed to Jehovah for wisdom that I was making the right choice to have this surgery, and for strength for mom and I since we were the only two at the hospital, no other family, or friends from the congregation for support. I was wheeled off to surgery at 1:45pm. Surgery was to take about 45 minutes if all went OK. At 2:45pm I came out of surgery, they had called mom to come back. The anesthesiologist was at the foot of my bed, gave me two thumbs up that it all went well and there was no issue with a blood transfusion. I started to cry.. so happy, I was more scared than I thought I was. Mom came around the corner and asked why I was crying and told her they were tears of joy because it all went OK and there was no blood issue. I felt alert and good in no time. My personal goal was to be out of there by 3:30pm. We didn't do too bad, I was checked out at 3:45pm. Went to Kaiser to get some pain meds, went home and am currently in pain when I move around. As for the port, its called a chest port ( Power Port) and is completely under my skin, on the right side between my collar bone and breast, and its the size of about a quarter. I have the area of the port and an area on my neck (in the juggler area) where it connected to the vein not bandaged, but taped with clear tape, so its pretty visible and gross looking. The needle for the IV will go through a few layers of skin and into the port which is connected to the vein. They can also draw blood from the port. So that means I shouldn't have to have any more IVs stuck in my arm. Since its under the skin, once it heals, I can shower, swim, what ever daily activities I need to do. There is 1 to 2% chance of infection with the port. It is an object in my body that my body has to accept. The nurses have to clean it well after using it also. Today has been stressful from the minute I got up ( no coffee) to now as it hurts. Off to bed, I might end up spending it on the sofa if I cant lay flat. Next appointment is day after tomorrow when I go for the first chemo treatment using my new port. The Kaiser nurse told me it will be very sore on Thursday.

wig

So today I wore my wig out of the house for the first time! Decided to wear it to the Kingdom Hall. Just about every one knew it was a wig.. My hair has been getting long, even though I just got it cut shorter (about the length of the wig, no one at the Kingdom Hall has seen me since getting it cut). It was tough at first but then by the time I got home, I was fine with it..for today as a one time trial. Guess I better get used to wearing one!

C- day postponed

Yes ,,, postponed. My appointment was at 11am at the Longview Kaiser. I packed my "day" bag with a blanket, the book I am reading, a word search book, my journal that I have been keeping for this ordeal, a Rachel Ray magazine and bottle of water. Richard and I got there, checked in and soon were called back. We went past about six people who were there getting treatments. We went into to small exam room. The nurse, Julie, told me about the drugs I would be getting and than she tried to get an IV in me..... this is where the problem begins. The IV, goes not on hand, or inside of the elbow area. It goes on the inside between the wrist and elbow where the veins are bigger, but deeper in the arm. The more she tried to find a vein and finally stuck me with the needle and told me to breath, the worse I felt. I finally asked if I could drink while she was doing this. She said yes, so I asked Richard to hand me my bottle of water. Than I said I feel like passing out. Well,, that did it. What ever she had inserted in me came out and she pushed my chair to a laying position and held my feet up. I did not pass out, but it was close. She than called in another nurse, who than both of them tried again to find a vein. When the second nurses stick didn't work, they called in the head RN nurse, Kim. I had two warm blankets wrapped around my arm, I was laying back, had a pillow under my arm and under my head. This head RN, Kim, took one look at me, sat down and said, " This too traumatic and I think we are going to postpone this, send you home today and get you scheduled for a chest port". I agreed. The chest port will go just under my skin, and they IV will connect to it rather than every time I go in having to do this all over again trying to find a vein for the IV. They said I have "thick skin", Richard translates that to "a fat arm", I say it might have to do with all the years of tanning. This morning, Brenda called to wish me well for the day. That did it. I needed snuggle time while I bawled to Richard about being so scared and was sorry for it all. But as the day went on, as we left Kaiser, I felt good that I hadn't started yet, and good that I got to see the set up a little bit ( a small room with about 6 chairs all very close to each other, all full but one waiting for me, met more of the nurses), but felt bad that now it postponed for about week. So I went shopping for the afternoon!

Tomorrow's C Day

Tomorrow is C day--- Chemo Day I have no way to express how I feel other than bawling sick to my stomach and wanting to tell my husband and family that I am sorry for getting sick. I am terrified of what will happen tomorrow. I have not ever been to visit anyone who is getting chemo. I don't know what the room looks like, the chairs, what the routine in there will be, how many others will be in there getting treatment, what to pack to bring with for the day, how I will feel, what I will feel. There are so many questions about the unknown and I hope that on the next treatment day I wont be as anxious and nervous and scared. Today for lunch I met a co-worker and she gave me pink T-shirt that says "Survivor" on the front. We had a nice lunch. But than the topic of me trying to work through this whole time came up. Once back to work, several told me that I should look into applying for the long term disability that the credit union offers because I most likely wont be able to work. Also that I need to spend my time working on getting myself healthy not worrying about work. I talked to our HR dept about the disability, printed out some things on it. This evening Richard and I talked a little bit about it. He seems to think that since the treatment is every three weeks, that I most likely will be able to work by the second or third week. And maybe I will. We are going to wait and see how this first treatment goes and how my body reacts to the drugs. Also checked out my Kaiser account online only to find three new meds listed for me. The are quite confusing and I will probably need a chart to hang on the wall to keep track. They are: 1.) Prochlorperazine Maleate (Compazine) Take one tablet by mouth every 12 hours for 3 days starting evening of chemo, Then take one tablet every 6 to 8 hours if needed for nausea 2.) Dexamethasone (Decadron) Take two tablets by mouth every morning for 2 days, then take one tablet every morning for one day, start morning after chemo 3.) Ondansetron (Zofran) Take one tablet by mouth every 12 hours for 3 days, start evening of chemo Not sure what these are for, I have not had the time to look up what they are, what the side effects are. And am sure they will tell me tomorrow when I pick them up at the pharmacy. There is so much to know, to learn and to remember all on top of thinking that this is to kill any remaining cancer cells that could be in side me. Oh ya, I got my hair cut today too. Trying to prepare a little for when it falls out. At least this way, its a lot shorter than it was. I am pretty sure I wont sleep very well tonight and am already dreading 11am tomorrow morning.

muga scan

Went today for the muga scan. It was at St. Johns Nuclear Meds dept. This time I knew were to go!~ Nothing to eat or drink starting at 8:30 am until my appointment.. so I had breakfast at 8am and drank a large bottle of water before 8:30am. Not too bad, I was really thirsty by the time I was done and able to eat and drink again. When I got there, they gave me an IV and I had to sit for about 10 to 15 minutes while it got into my system. The IV is a protein that attaches to the red blood cells that they than can monitor. Than they called me back and I had to lay on the foot wide bed just like for the bone scan. In fact it was the same machine. They watch the left side of the heart to make sure its healthy, enough to be able to withstand the chemo drugs, especially the Adriamycin. After about 10 minutes the machine moves around you and it than its taking pictures of the left side of the heart still, but from a different angle. I stopped off at the house grabbed a PB&J and glass of milk for lunch and headed back to work. Total time for today's appointment including the drive was from 12:30 to 2pm Wasn't too bad today. I just hope there is no side effect to what they did today!

Wig Shopping

Saturday March 13, 2010 Wig shopping day. Mom, Brenda, Kris and I headed to Portland to find a wig. First stop was Wig Land on Broadway. They had a lot to chose from,(Later to find out it was the most we see in one store). The employee was a guy, he was nice. I picked out several styles. He had me put on a little hat, made out of the same material as a pair of panty hose, tuck my hair in a pony and under the little hat. He put a couple wigs on me, but than the store got busy, so Brenda took over putting them on me. We knew right away if we liked the style or not. Most seemed to have too much on the top/crown part of my head. I looked like me, but me wearing a wig... and than, we put one on and we all knew it was the one. Thanks to mom, I now own this wig. Kris also tried some wigs on, good and bad wigs-- and she bought one too. The next stop was a tiny little shop called The Wig Gallery by Mall 205. She didn't have very many to chose from. I tried on about 6 and did like one but it was $300 and had to be ordered in the color I needed. It was hand tied, meaning the top of the wig looks more like the real color of a scalp. The other wigs are called machine tied and are lower in price. I had her order this wig, ( it was no obligation to buy once it came in). However, Sunday morning I called her to cancel the order. Our third stop was the Merle Norman at the Clackamas Mall. When I called them, they told me they had hundreds of wigs. What they should have said was we have about 20 wigs and they can be ordered in hundreds of colors. The employee right off bugged me. I tried on a couple and found one that is a short bob, with it shorter in the back. It will be nice in the summer when its hot. Than I spotted one that was just long and straight and had a hat on the model. The employee said it was a "halo" wig. Meaning there is nothing on the top of the head area and you have to wear a hat or scarf. I ended up buying this one too. I think it will fit those days I have that I just want to throw on a hat and go. The employee got better the longer we were there and I ended up leaving with two wigs one is a bob and one is the halo style that will be shipped to my house. To think the store with the least is where I bought the most! We headed to Stanford's for a late lunch/early dinner and a drink. (I had a pomegranate Margarita.. yummy!) I think we all felt good that what we came shopping for, we found and learned a few things about wigs. Did some other shopping and headed home. It was a good day. Not crying and stressful that I will be losing my hair, that I am a cancer patient looking for a wig. It was a fun day and I am glad I had a girls day with family to help me, I found some that will get me through is and turned out well.

Chemo Doctor

Richard and I met with Dr. Katherine Richert-Boe, one of the chemo oncologists at Kaiser in Longview. She looked at my surgery area, asked a few questions, than got down to what the treatment will be for chemo. The treatment will start next Thursday March 18Th. The treatment will be once every three weeks for 24 weeks. The treatment lasts two to three and half hours each time. Names of the drugs that are prescribed are: Adriamycin and Cytoxan followed by Taxol and Herceptin. The Herceptin I will be on for a year. Side effects you ask?? They range anywhere from hair loss, (yes I will lose my hair-don't know if I will ever get used to thinking about it happening and how I will deal with it the day it starts), nausea, diarrhea, sores in mouth, fatigue, infection from low white blood cells, and a 1 to 2% chance of heart and lung damage. And a 50% or higher chance of putting me into menopause. I sound like the disclaimer on a TV commercial! How will I cope with being sick from chemo and hot flashes??? Our appointment lasted a little over an hour and the nurses were so nice. They are really excited because they are getting a new annex at the kaiser and said it is really really nice. Before leaving, they scheduled me for one more test at St. Johns Hospital in the nuclear meds dept. on Tuesday March 16Th this test they call the MUGA, (Multiple Gated Acquisition scan) it has to do with my heart and how it pumps. This is the short name for it, the other name is: nm cardiac blood pool imaging, gated equilibrium, wall motion study with injection frac, single rest So today wasn't too bad, they only drew blood before I left. I felt like crying when we left, thinking that I am really doing this.. that it is me that we are in here for, this is going to be a regular routine for several months. Yet, I feel like the tests all came back good and now we are on a road to get it done, get it over with and get on with life. So I think by January 2011 I will be ready for a nice vacation in Hawaii! ( Missy, get ready!!) Now I will research more on these drugs and try not to become an Hypochondriac!!

Clean Cat Scan!!!!

Got a call from the Dr's office today.. The Cat Scan results came back with nothing on them showing any spreading of the cancer to my internal organs.! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ANOTHER YIPEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Went in to work at noon today.. was really tired for some reason. Again, A good result. woo hooo!

Clean Bone Scan!!!!!!

When this whole health issue started, my regular Dr. was on vacation. I had just changed Dr.s and I had not had a chance to see my new doctor, Dr. Manzone yet. When the mammogram came back bad, they got me in with Dr. Chung, who is a surgeon. I still have not seen Dr. Manzone. However, today I received the following email from Dr. Manzone: Dear Mrs Smith: I am pleased to report that the bone scan did not indicate any cancer in the bones. It did show some activity in many joints and the spine- consistent with some mild inflammation (the joys of middle age), but thankfully was otherwise negative. I look forward to meeting you in person some day! Please let me know if you have any problems or questions !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!YIPPEE, SOMETHING POSITIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, there were tears of joy today! I had to leave my desk and walk out in the hallway for a minute to let it sink in that I have a positive scan. and tears now just thinking it. And I got the cutest homemade Congrats card and plant at work for the good news. Today also was my consultation with the radiation oncologist, Dr. Choong Kim, my mom went with me. It was at the Cancer Center at St.Johns Medical Center. He did an exam, looked at my scars to see how its healing. Said the day I find out that my chemo is done, to call him so we can start on the radiation. I will be having 33 treatments which is 5 1/2 to 6 weeks every day, Monday through Friday. It takes about 10 to 15 minutes each time. His words were, "this is a piece of cake". Compared to chemo, it sounds like it. The side effects of radiation are 1.) sun tan/burn possible blistering, 2.) being extremely tired and 3.)possible lymphodema which is swelling in the left arm that will last a life time but has physical therapy to help out (happens to 5 to 10% of the patients). Over all the consult went well, lasted just over an hour. But, the comment my regular Dr. used in his email has me a little worried, "middle age"..... since when am I middle aged? oh well, with the news he had I will forgive him! I go to bed with a happy feeling tonight.

Breakfast of Champions

Today was my cat scan. The appointment was at 9:15am. That means I got up at 6:30am and started drinking my berry smoothie barium. It had to be completed 2 hours before the scan. The amount of barium was about 2 cups. Its white, thick and gross. When I poured it into a glass, it was chunky. I had to use a straw, and I had it in the fridge overnight so it was cold. If I ever thought I loved blueberries before today.... I don't think I like them any more. I drank as much as I could which was not all of it but most of it. Its anything but the breakfast for champions!! Richard took me to Longview Radiologists for the scan. I got signed in and was called back. I had to change into a pair of scrubs, put my belongings into a locker. Than the nurse took me back to the room where the machine was. There were a couple of surprises once I got in room. Number 1: There was a cup of room temperature barium to drink and Number 2: I had to have IV How come no one mentioned the IV??? After it was over, everyone I told said, "oh yah, I guess there is an IV they do"... thanks for the warning. The IV was saline and then they added iodine. When the iodine was added, one of the side effects according to the nurse is that your bladder will get a really warm feeling. The warm feeling is that you have to pee. Once the iodine is gone, the feeling goes right away. It was the weirdest feeling! The actual scan doesn't take very long. Maybe 10 minutes. I was on bed that was pretty comfy and you move back and forth through a machine that is round like a donut. Since I had not had the IV med before, after it was over they made me sit and drink a bottle of water with the IV port in my arm to see that I wouldn't react to it. They left the IV port in so that if they had to give me meds to counter act a reaction they could. I went in to work at noon and felt head achy I think due to the stress of it all, as I feel fine now eating a chocolate chip cookie! As for the bone scan from last week, I emailed my Dr. and got an out of office reply. She will be back tomorrow, hopefully then I will know the results. Tomorrow is the appointment for the consultation with the Radiation Dr. Since Richard has to work, my mom will be going with me. Its always best to have someone else with to make sure I hear it correct. One more test done! Yippee!

Part time today

Got up early to be able to work out my arm and shoulder so I could get ready for work today. Its always really stiff and sore in the mornings. Only spent from 8:30am to noon at work. My desk is taller than I thought and by noon my arm was so sore from holding it up.And I was feeling really sleepy. So I went home... only a half day but I guess that's better than no day. Its progress. I sit right outside my managers office and she can see everything I do and hear everything I say.. doesn't bother me (if that's what you were wondering!). I told her I was going to go home and why. Her comment to me was that she had been noticing that I was starting to keep my left arm down and do things with only my right hand/arm. She is going to look into getting our IT dept to install a lower pullout keyboard tray.. like the home computer desks usually have. I thought that was really nice. I never thought of it none the less asking work to provide it. So I spent the afternoon on the sofa with a book relaxing. I also had to take some pain meds when I got home. That disappointed me since I have been working so hard to get off them and it had been two days of no meds. However, I am happy to report that I can, with just a little soreness raise my arm up over my head. But of course that's later in the day when its been worked and stretched out. Seems like about 2pm or 3pm is when its feeling the best. baby steps.. one step at a time..

No Work Today

I actually ended up calling in sick today. Last night I was having some sleeping issues that I think might be a side effect of yesterdays shot. Not that I can find anything online for any side effects and the Dr's. office said there aren't really side effects to the shot I got. At first it felt like I had to do a really good stretch of my arms, back, shoulders and legs. But then that feeling came again and again and finally I couldn't stop. I was shaking, tensing up like in a stretch, couldn't keep my arms and legs still, and just a little movement wasn't good enough.Than got cold than hot. I was laying there telling myself to relax and go to sleep, don't move, just fall asleep and it would start again. And I never , never, never have any problems sleeping. I can sleep anywhere, any time. Now that I think about it, it felt the way a seizure would. Even thought about getting up to shake it off, or drink something but was afraid that I would fall down. The last time I looked at the clock it said 3:30am So I guess I will try going to work tomorrow.

Bone Scan

Today was my whole body bone scan. I was really dreading it. I knew I was going by myself to this one. It was at St. Johns Hospital. Finding the Nuclear Meds dept in the hospital was tough. I had to ask three times for directions! Finally found it down some long narrow hallway that most people don't walk down. The first appointment was at 11:30am. They gave me a shot of something I swear he said it was a radio active mineral. They treated my right arm like I was giving blood, but instead it was a shot. I was thinking it would be a shot in the arm, like a flu shot. All went OK.. as well as it can when you get a shot! Sent me on my way. OK to eat and drink and do what ever. The next appointment was at 2pm. This time I found my way back really easy since I knew where I was going! Took off my glasses, shoes, jacket. The Dr guy had me lay on a bed that I think was about 12 inches wide~! I looked at that bed and thought I might fall off! but it was OK. Asked if I wanted a blanket. I declined, I was hot from nerves just being there. Than he had me put my arms to the side and strapped me in with a big piece of velcro'd fabric and my hands just hung there. Than he asked if I was claustrophobic. I said No.. I should have said yes! next thing I know, this big plate with an X on it was about 1/2 inch from my face! I had to lay as still as I could. The machine slowly made its way down to my feet. He came back after about 10 minutes and said they got what they needed and didn't need to run the machine from my feet back up to my head... maybe that's a good sign that they didn't need so many shots.? Nothing about today hurt it was probably the easiest test so far! By the time I got to the car, I was dizzy. I think i had been hyperventilating while laying there. I couldn't get my breathing to slow down and felt like I had to take really big breathes. So I went directly to Starbucks for a coffee! That cures just about everything!! He said the results will take a couple of days to get. By the time they read them and send them to Kaiser, I should know by Monday he thought. He also said that he will probably see me again; people on chemo have bone pain and usually get sent one or two times during treatment to make sure their bones are OK. I go back to work tomorrow. Because the Dr's release note says "as tolerable for two weeks", I can pretty much come and go as I need for appointments and how I am feeling. Hope I can make it through a full day for Thursday and Friday, I really want to get back to a schedule/routine that I am familiar with...than I have the weekend to rest up!