Thursday, September 30, 2010

Robes

Great question Beth, not all the robes are that lovely "burn-your-eye-out" red color. Fortunately, just mine is that color, as I really don't care for that color! No the robe is not mine to keep when done.

There was a high school kid in Kalama who wanted to do a fund raiser, so asked the radiation dept at St Johns if he could donate what he raised for new robes for the patients. He collected enough money to buy just over 100 robes. They are very nice, very soft and plush. So thank you to him and his efforts who ever he is.
Yes I go every day Monday through Friday for a total of 33 times. I asked for the last appointment of the day which happens to be 6pm and  I have to be there by 5:45pm to get checked in and changed. Sometimes I am off work at 5:30 so its a race to get there on time. But with having that late of an appointment, I get to park any where I want as the lot is empty. So I just pull up to the front door, park and go in. That parts kind of nice!

Every Thursday is what they call Dr. Day. Its when you are done with treatment that day, Dr. Choong Kim  (who is a male if you couldn't tell by the name) meets with you to make sure you are doing OK and to answer any questions. Since this was my second time, I didn't have any questions so our meeting was about 2 minutes long!
With my Kaiser insurance, I am only suppose to have to pay for the Dr. Days not every treatment. The hospital bills Kaiser, and they in turn bill me. I am pretty sure when I get the bill, it will be wrong but will deal with that when it happens.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Radiation Planning #2 and Radiation treatment #1 only 32 left

Yesterday Sept 28th was my second planning session with the radiation dept. They did the exact same thing as the last time, only this time they were checking that the marks they made on me lined up again.
I still don't see the need for the very small tattoos since they ended up covering them with a purple felt pen and a piece of clear round tape over each spot. I have one on the left side almost behind my arm pit, one almost on my left nipple, two in the center between my breasts, one on my right breast on the side and another on on the  right side behind my arm like the left side.
They told me not to pick these off and to be very careful in the shower. If these marks get un-done, than I have to do the planning session again so they can re mark me. When they see that the clear band aid/tape stuff starts to come off they will replace it.

Today Sept 29th at 6pm was my first actual treatment. They provided me with a "burn-your-eye-out" red robe, had me undress from the waist up, lay on the table and a machine  that looked identical to the one in the planning sessions slowly moved above me from the right side to the left. It took about 15 minutes total.
I headed back to the dressing room, put my robe in a bag with my name on it and hung it on a rack. I will be the only one to use this robe.
Nothing touched me, nothing hurt, it was fine-- for the first time. I know worst is on the way!

When I got home I said to Richard, " Am I glowing yet? I've been radiated for the first time". His comment to me was, " only 32 left to do!"
I figure I will be done the middle of November. So my way of rationalizing is this: Since Sept is over in 2 days, might as well say is October now. So that means I will be done with radiation next month.
Crazy but it might help me cope with the daily routine of going for treatment!

PS. As for my hair.... imagine a Brillo pad. Richard said he can see a little bit of dark in it. I cant even see the outline of where my hair is suppose to be its so light colored.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Komen Race for the Cure

I have an AMAZING friend who is several years younger than I am and have known all her life --I used to babysit her-- and somehow over the years we have always kept in touch.  She now lives in the Bay area and is married with three adorable children.
Over the past couple years, she and her husband Brian have made some very noticeable changes in their lifestyle. They now love to run & particiape in races. This past weekend, they were in the Race For The Cure in their area- where the weather has been close to or over 100 degrees.

I have a wonderful support team with my friends in California. THANK YOU!! I can not begin to say how much you all mean to me! I wish I could have seen both the run and the great posters in person. I know a lot of work went in to the posters, the outfits, the pink nail polish that makes the girls run faster.
And next year, I plan to be feeling much better and be able to attend the Komen activities for myself.

The following is what she posted on her blog, here are some of the signs they made:
.

...to capture the true feeling of the morning in pictures or words would be impossible.

I spent some time on Saturday talking with the girls about cancer.
As far as knowing how many women's lives will be touched by breast cancer (and men's for that matter), what the treatments are like, why they would be seeing some ladies without hair, what the signs on peoples backs were all about, that breast cancer has a 98% survival rate....those sorts of things we hadn't talked about before. They had a lot of questions about my friend Nancy while making signs for her. How did I know her, where does she live, why is her hair different in every picture, how does she decide which wig to wear everyday.....typical 8 and 6 year old questions.
We talked about these things so that they would understand more about what the event was about, and so that they wouldn't be shocked to see all different types of women, all at different stages in their journey's with cancer. I wanted them to know that every name on someones back was a person, a person who has dealt with cancer, and that all the people running and walking had been touched by those peoples journeys, strength and courage.

One of the moment of the morning that I think effected me the most was the parade of survivors. They started with bringing on stage the women who had been diagnosed under the age of 40, then those who had been in remission for under 1 year, then 5 years, 10, 20, and 30 years. Some had survived breast cancer more than once. Some were much younger then me. Then they played Melissa Ethridge's I Run For Life. This song and I have a history as I had heard it for the first time the day after Komen For the Cure last year. I cannot hear this song without crying, so you can imagine what happened in this setting, looking up at all these amazing women, who were also crying.

Then there was a speaker on stage who was speaking about how it could be any of us, at any point in our life, when we least expect it. This again, got the water works going. While the kids knew we were there as a way of showing support for my friend, they did not know that earlier this month I had my own scare. It was a normal day, we had done our long run, came home, I was about to get in the shower and that is when I found it.Not that it was hiding, it is actually quite large and visible from the outside. Brian came in the room to tell me about something on TV and although I was looking at him, I didn't respond to what he had said, and he knew something was wrong. We have wonderful Dr's here, and I was in the office by 2 the next day, and having a mammogram and ultrasound w/in 5 days of finding it. In what may have been the longest 5 days in history, you have a lot of time to think about things, what could possibly be lying ahead of you, how you will chose to handle it. I have the utmost respect for anyone who has heard anything other than "your scans are clear, I see nothing that looks cancerous or suspicious" after finding a lump and having it looked at.This run will always have a special place in my heart. As I said, there were many moments that stand out.

 




Beth and the kids with their signs of support on their backs:

How do I begin to say thank you? You all mean so much to me!

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Muga Scan Results

I was suppose to have my muga heart scan on Sept 15th and meet with Dr. Richert-Boe on Sept 16th. However, that appt on the 15th got moved to the 17th. The day after my Dr appointment. So as of yet, I don't not know the results of it.
The last time, the Dr. said the results were really good and my heart was very strong. I have an appointment to see my regular physician, not the Oncologist on Tuesday so maybe I will find out something then.
I am not too worried about, if it was bad, they would have called me.

Feelings

Time to share my emotions again.
I am struggling with my feelings lately. I know of a few people who I have known my entire life and they too are struggling with some type of cancer. However, they are not winning the battle so much and have been involved with hospice and been in the hospital.
This brings me to the fact that I am feeling guilty. Guilty about my cancer doing OK and me feeling really well after all the chemo treatments.
I know that my cancer can return at any time and that's a scary thought too.
Even though my first thoughts back in January about learning I had cancer were just that, "I have cancer". Then as time went by it turned into " I am a cancer survivor, I can do this".  I have a silicone pink ribbon ring (like the silicone bracelets) that I wear from time to time and every time I wear it , it reminds me that I am survivor. But I still feel bad, sad and guilty, even though I should feel fortunate for my health. I cant say that its Jehovah helping me through this as my friends who also have cancer have Jehovah as their God also and he would never pick and chose one over the other. I do thank Jehovah regularly for my health, that I have been able to endure and ask for his help to endure.
Guilt is a tough emotion.

In one of the emails I sent to Missy I told her my feelings and this is what she wrote back:
You don't depress me when you tell me how you are feeling.  I can't imagine the guilt and fear that you feel in your situation!  I would LOVE to tell you that you shouldn't feel guilty for being a survivor....but, like they said at the convention...your feelings are real.  I WISH you didn't feel that way, and I hope you can work it out eventually.  I'd be scared too.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Email from Dr.

Today I got an email from my primary care physician at Kaiser, Dr. Manzone.
As I said in another posting, I have never met this Dr. my Dr. retired and I had to pick a new one so chose this guy. I am told he is really nice.
Here is the email he sent me:

Dear Mrs. Smith:
I have received the latest report from Dr. Richert-Boe, she has things well in hand. I shall continue my primary care duty of watchful waiting- please let me know if I can be of any service.

Chris Manzone


Today I also had another Muga scan at St. Johns. This scan is for my heart  to make sure the heart muscles are not not weakening from the Herceptin that I have been getting weekly. This scan is done every three months.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Dr. appt

Today was the last of my weekly treatment with Herceptin. I now will be going every three weeks .... until June 2011 for the Herceptin.

After my first planning session for radiation, that night the side of my  breast where I had surgery  hurt and would shoot pain. It seemed to go away later in the day only to return the next night. So today since I was meeting with Dr. Richert-Boe I asked her about it. She did a physical exam of my breast and said it seemed to be OK and that it was most likely from the stretching they had me do at my radiation planning session.

I can reach with that arm and put it over my head, etc. but to put it over my head while laying down in a reaching position, I might have over stretched a muscle a little. But to be aware of it. She was not concerned.

I also asked her if I could start taking prenatal vitamins to help my hair grow and she got a little smirk of a smile and said yes.
What I have is very very fine and mostly very light colored.

My goal is to not to have to wear a wig by the first weekend in November when we have our two day circuit assembly in Puyallup. Now how realistic that is, I am not sure but that's what I really want!!

Monday, September 13, 2010

Radiation Planning Session #1

Today Richard took me to radiation for my 1st planning session.

I laid on a hard foot wide table/bed with nothing on the top half of my body while 2 nurses lined up a machine that had laser beams that they used to mark me by. There was one on each side of me and they each had a purple sharpie pen and were making marks. Then they called in  Dr. Kim and he put some tape stuff all the away around my breast and he did some marking on me too.
Then one nurse took a needle and gave me a very small tattoo the size of a freckle ( i asked for rose or something fun but she said she wasn't any good at that kind of tattoo!) I was marked on the on left side of the breast kind of under my arm, the center between my breast and the same spot on the other side of the breast/ arm area.

Then they gave me hospital gown and took me and my purse on my lap,in a wheel chair with the feet peddles half way up (not real comfy!) to another floor of the hospital for a cat scan. That's when we found out that there was an emergency that came in and they needed the machine and we had to wait. So the nurses left me, in my wheel chair at the side of the hallway to wait our turn.. awkward! but then they decided we could use the machine if we hurried. So we did.
When we were done, got back to radiation dept and I put my top back on and got my next apt date for Sept 27th for my second planning session.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Party Time

My sneaky mom organized a surprise party at our house!!!

She asked me to reserve her about 2 hours on Sunday after the meeting on Sept 12th and said that lunch would also be provided. I sort of reluctantly said OK.. not  sure what she had planned.
Now, I couldn't see my mom driving us too far to do something and it also included lunch. I decided to let her have the couple hours and go with the flow. Richard on the other hand was alot more than just a  little more reserved about it all , only committing 90% and it is for his mother-in -law of all people!

As it turns out, she mailed out invitations to come to our house for a party for me for finishing chemo on August 26th.

When we came around the corner on our way home from meeting as we pulled on to our street,  I saw her car and the Rob and Gayle Barnes' car and knew something was up and it was at our house, and  that it wasn't just mom alone. The first comment I made to Richard was, "our house isn't clean! its a mess!!"

Turns out mom got here in plenty of time, to clean off the dining room table (bills, receipts, the Sunday paper etc), make the bed, put the bathrooms in order, went in the garage and found all our patio chairs and put them outside opened the windows and doors  and than waited for people to show up.

We were not home very long and more and more friends came in the front door, the back door, I couldn't keep up with who was there! Everyone she mailed invites to keep it a secret and under cover! I had no idea.

There was fried chicken,  large bowls of yummy potato salad,  huge bowls of fruit salad, trays of sandwiches, meat and cheese trays, dip, home made peanut butter cookies and home made oatmeal raisin cookies and a cake that was white and pink and said Congratulations Nancy on it with two little pics that were of a pink ribbons.

Our friends and family:
Jerry, Brenda, Tyler, Taleah, Dom (Taleahs study & friend)
Tom, Kris, Stephanie
Jan, Marvin
Chardon, Binnie, Conlan
Mike, Lisa Gerhke
Paul, Shari Birch
Elwyn, Donna Hamilton , Mable Svein
Curtis, Lisa, Risa, Rachel Cooper, Pat Cooper
Linda Erlinbush
Rob, Gayle Barnes
Linda Bowen
Tawnya Tomilla
Jessica VonRock
Jan McCollister
Joyce Agliam

Mike said prayer before we ate and it made me want to cry. Everyone visited, had lunch and mingled. There was nice time had by all!
I was surprised and also surprised that no one leaked the info!

When it was all over, and everyone was gone mom said " I cant believe I pulled it off! It went well!!"
Thanks mom. I love you! What a great surprise.

As I have posted in recently, I am not done completely. I still have to go through radiation and go to Kaiser until my projected end date of June 16, 2011. But I am convinced that even if radiation is bad, it can not be worse than the chemo! The worst part, in my mind, is over with!

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Radiation Appointment

Today I met with Dr. Choong Kim the radiation Dr. at St. Johns Medical Center. I have met with him one other time back on March 9th.
This appointment was almost an exact repeat of the last one.
He checked my scars, told me I would be scheduled for 33 treatments and that they would be Monday through Friday.
Can't wear any lotion or deodorant on that side while I am having radiation. The actual radiation appointment is suppose to take 10 to 15 minutes and that waiting my turn in the office will be longer than the actual treatment.
Also asked if I would be working during treatment. I said, "yes , I am going to try to ". He thought that was good. Said that most people who live an active life of working, and running errands, exercising ext. held up better under treatment.
Radiation will have four side effects: 1) Tiredness 2) sunburn/blisters/aches in the area 3)emotional roller coaster 4) possibility of developing Lymphodema. 5 to 10% of patients will develop this.

He did tell me that I most likely will have the a difficult time in the area under my arm where the surgery was to remove the lymph nodes. This part of the surgery they didn't use stitches when they were done, it looked like they glued the pieces of skin back together. He also said that I am just a little bit still swollen from the surgery.
Nothing to much new since the last time I saw him.
My next appointment in radiation is Sept 13th to set up what they call a planning session. To discuss my treatment, payments, make the molds they will use and to mark me with three little tattoos so they can line up the machines exactly where they need to be.