I was suppose to have my muga heart scan on Sept 15th and meet with Dr. Richert-Boe on Sept 16th. However, that appt on the 15th got moved to the 17th. The day after my Dr appointment. So as of yet, I don't not know the results of it.
The last time, the Dr. said the results were really good and my heart was very strong. I have an appointment to see my regular physician, not the Oncologist on Tuesday so maybe I will find out something then.
I am not too worried about, if it was bad, they would have called me.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Feelings
Time to share my emotions again.
I am struggling with my feelings lately. I know of a few people who I have known my entire life and they too are struggling with some type of cancer. However, they are not winning the battle so much and have been involved with hospice and been in the hospital.
This brings me to the fact that I am feeling guilty. Guilty about my cancer doing OK and me feeling really well after all the chemo treatments.
I know that my cancer can return at any time and that's a scary thought too.
Even though my first thoughts back in January about learning I had cancer were just that, "I have cancer". Then as time went by it turned into " I am a cancer survivor, I can do this". I have a silicone pink ribbon ring (like the silicone bracelets) that I wear from time to time and every time I wear it , it reminds me that I am survivor. But I still feel bad, sad and guilty, even though I should feel fortunate for my health. I cant say that its Jehovah helping me through this as my friends who also have cancer have Jehovah as their God also and he would never pick and chose one over the other. I do thank Jehovah regularly for my health, that I have been able to endure and ask for his help to endure.
Guilt is a tough emotion.
In one of the emails I sent to Missy I told her my feelings and this is what she wrote back:
You don't depress me when you tell me how you are feeling. I can't imagine the guilt and fear that you feel in your situation! I would LOVE to tell you that you shouldn't feel guilty for being a survivor....but, like they said at the convention...your feelings are real. I WISH you didn't feel that way, and I hope you can work it out eventually. I'd be scared too.
I am struggling with my feelings lately. I know of a few people who I have known my entire life and they too are struggling with some type of cancer. However, they are not winning the battle so much and have been involved with hospice and been in the hospital.
This brings me to the fact that I am feeling guilty. Guilty about my cancer doing OK and me feeling really well after all the chemo treatments.
I know that my cancer can return at any time and that's a scary thought too.
Even though my first thoughts back in January about learning I had cancer were just that, "I have cancer". Then as time went by it turned into " I am a cancer survivor, I can do this". I have a silicone pink ribbon ring (like the silicone bracelets) that I wear from time to time and every time I wear it , it reminds me that I am survivor. But I still feel bad, sad and guilty, even though I should feel fortunate for my health. I cant say that its Jehovah helping me through this as my friends who also have cancer have Jehovah as their God also and he would never pick and chose one over the other. I do thank Jehovah regularly for my health, that I have been able to endure and ask for his help to endure.
Guilt is a tough emotion.
In one of the emails I sent to Missy I told her my feelings and this is what she wrote back:
You don't depress me when you tell me how you are feeling. I can't imagine the guilt and fear that you feel in your situation! I would LOVE to tell you that you shouldn't feel guilty for being a survivor....but, like they said at the convention...your feelings are real. I WISH you didn't feel that way, and I hope you can work it out eventually. I'd be scared too.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Email from Dr.
Today I got an email from my primary care physician at Kaiser, Dr. Manzone.
As I said in another posting, I have never met this Dr. my Dr. retired and I had to pick a new one so chose this guy. I am told he is really nice.
Here is the email he sent me:
Dear Mrs. Smith:
I have received the latest report from Dr. Richert-Boe, she has things well in hand. I shall continue my primary care duty of watchful waiting- please let me know if I can be of any service.
Chris Manzone
Today I also had another Muga scan at St. Johns. This scan is for my heart to make sure the heart muscles are not not weakening from the Herceptin that I have been getting weekly. This scan is done every three months.
As I said in another posting, I have never met this Dr. my Dr. retired and I had to pick a new one so chose this guy. I am told he is really nice.
Here is the email he sent me:
Dear Mrs. Smith:
I have received the latest report from Dr. Richert-Boe, she has things well in hand. I shall continue my primary care duty of watchful waiting- please let me know if I can be of any service.
Chris Manzone
Today I also had another Muga scan at St. Johns. This scan is for my heart to make sure the heart muscles are not not weakening from the Herceptin that I have been getting weekly. This scan is done every three months.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Dr. appt
Today was the last of my weekly treatment with Herceptin. I now will be going every three weeks .... until June 2011 for the Herceptin.
After my first planning session for radiation, that night the side of my breast where I had surgery hurt and would shoot pain. It seemed to go away later in the day only to return the next night. So today since I was meeting with Dr. Richert-Boe I asked her about it. She did a physical exam of my breast and said it seemed to be OK and that it was most likely from the stretching they had me do at my radiation planning session.
I can reach with that arm and put it over my head, etc. but to put it over my head while laying down in a reaching position, I might have over stretched a muscle a little. But to be aware of it. She was not concerned.
I also asked her if I could start taking prenatal vitamins to help my hair grow and she got a little smirk of a smile and said yes.
What I have is very very fine and mostly very light colored.
My goal is to not to have to wear a wig by the first weekend in November when we have our two day circuit assembly in Puyallup. Now how realistic that is, I am not sure but that's what I really want!!
After my first planning session for radiation, that night the side of my breast where I had surgery hurt and would shoot pain. It seemed to go away later in the day only to return the next night. So today since I was meeting with Dr. Richert-Boe I asked her about it. She did a physical exam of my breast and said it seemed to be OK and that it was most likely from the stretching they had me do at my radiation planning session.
I can reach with that arm and put it over my head, etc. but to put it over my head while laying down in a reaching position, I might have over stretched a muscle a little. But to be aware of it. She was not concerned.
I also asked her if I could start taking prenatal vitamins to help my hair grow and she got a little smirk of a smile and said yes.
What I have is very very fine and mostly very light colored.
My goal is to not to have to wear a wig by the first weekend in November when we have our two day circuit assembly in Puyallup. Now how realistic that is, I am not sure but that's what I really want!!
Monday, September 13, 2010
Radiation Planning Session #1
Today Richard took me to radiation for my 1st planning session.
I laid on a hard foot wide table/bed with nothing on the top half of my body while 2 nurses lined up a machine that had laser beams that they used to mark me by. There was one on each side of me and they each had a purple sharpie pen and were making marks. Then they called in Dr. Kim and he put some tape stuff all the away around my breast and he did some marking on me too.
Then one nurse took a needle and gave me a very small tattoo the size of a freckle ( i asked for rose or something fun but she said she wasn't any good at that kind of tattoo!) I was marked on the on left side of the breast kind of under my arm, the center between my breast and the same spot on the other side of the breast/ arm area.
Then they gave me hospital gown and took me and my purse on my lap,in a wheel chair with the feet peddles half way up (not real comfy!) to another floor of the hospital for a cat scan. That's when we found out that there was an emergency that came in and they needed the machine and we had to wait. So the nurses left me, in my wheel chair at the side of the hallway to wait our turn.. awkward! but then they decided we could use the machine if we hurried. So we did.
When we were done, got back to radiation dept and I put my top back on and got my next apt date for Sept 27th for my second planning session.
I laid on a hard foot wide table/bed with nothing on the top half of my body while 2 nurses lined up a machine that had laser beams that they used to mark me by. There was one on each side of me and they each had a purple sharpie pen and were making marks. Then they called in Dr. Kim and he put some tape stuff all the away around my breast and he did some marking on me too.
Then one nurse took a needle and gave me a very small tattoo the size of a freckle ( i asked for rose or something fun but she said she wasn't any good at that kind of tattoo!) I was marked on the on left side of the breast kind of under my arm, the center between my breast and the same spot on the other side of the breast/ arm area.
Then they gave me hospital gown and took me and my purse on my lap,in a wheel chair with the feet peddles half way up (not real comfy!) to another floor of the hospital for a cat scan. That's when we found out that there was an emergency that came in and they needed the machine and we had to wait. So the nurses left me, in my wheel chair at the side of the hallway to wait our turn.. awkward! but then they decided we could use the machine if we hurried. So we did.
When we were done, got back to radiation dept and I put my top back on and got my next apt date for Sept 27th for my second planning session.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Party Time
My sneaky mom organized a surprise party at our house!!!
She asked me to reserve her about 2 hours on Sunday after the meeting on Sept 12th and said that lunch would also be provided. I sort of reluctantly said OK.. not sure what she had planned.
Now, I couldn't see my mom driving us too far to do something and it also included lunch. I decided to let her have the couple hours and go with the flow. Richard on the other hand was alot more than just a little more reserved about it all , only committing 90% and it is for his mother-in -law of all people!
As it turns out, she mailed out invitations to come to our house for a party for me for finishing chemo on August 26th.
When we came around the corner on our way home from meeting as we pulled on to our street, I saw her car and the Rob and Gayle Barnes' car and knew something was up and it was at our house, and that it wasn't just mom alone. The first comment I made to Richard was, "our house isn't clean! its a mess!!"
Turns out mom got here in plenty of time, to clean off the dining room table (bills, receipts, the Sunday paper etc), make the bed, put the bathrooms in order, went in the garage and found all our patio chairs and put them outside opened the windows and doors and than waited for people to show up.
We were not home very long and more and more friends came in the front door, the back door, I couldn't keep up with who was there! Everyone she mailed invites to keep it a secret and under cover! I had no idea.
There was fried chicken, large bowls of yummy potato salad, huge bowls of fruit salad, trays of sandwiches, meat and cheese trays, dip, home made peanut butter cookies and home made oatmeal raisin cookies and a cake that was white and pink and said Congratulations Nancy on it with two little pics that were of a pink ribbons.
Our friends and family:
Jerry, Brenda, Tyler, Taleah, Dom (Taleahs study & friend)
Tom, Kris, Stephanie
Jan, Marvin
Chardon, Binnie, Conlan
Mike, Lisa Gerhke
Paul, Shari Birch
Elwyn, Donna Hamilton , Mable Svein
Curtis, Lisa, Risa, Rachel Cooper, Pat Cooper
Linda Erlinbush
Rob, Gayle Barnes
Linda Bowen
Tawnya Tomilla
Jessica VonRock
Jan McCollister
Joyce Agliam
Mike said prayer before we ate and it made me want to cry. Everyone visited, had lunch and mingled. There was nice time had by all!
I was surprised and also surprised that no one leaked the info!
When it was all over, and everyone was gone mom said " I cant believe I pulled it off! It went well!!"
Thanks mom. I love you! What a great surprise.
As I have posted in recently, I am not done completely. I still have to go through radiation and go to Kaiser until my projected end date of June 16, 2011. But I am convinced that even if radiation is bad, it can not be worse than the chemo! The worst part, in my mind, is over with!
She asked me to reserve her about 2 hours on Sunday after the meeting on Sept 12th and said that lunch would also be provided. I sort of reluctantly said OK.. not sure what she had planned.
Now, I couldn't see my mom driving us too far to do something and it also included lunch. I decided to let her have the couple hours and go with the flow. Richard on the other hand was alot more than just a little more reserved about it all , only committing 90% and it is for his mother-in -law of all people!
As it turns out, she mailed out invitations to come to our house for a party for me for finishing chemo on August 26th.
Turns out mom got here in plenty of time, to clean off the dining room table (bills, receipts, the Sunday paper etc), make the bed, put the bathrooms in order, went in the garage and found all our patio chairs and put them outside opened the windows and doors and than waited for people to show up.
We were not home very long and more and more friends came in the front door, the back door, I couldn't keep up with who was there! Everyone she mailed invites to keep it a secret and under cover! I had no idea.
There was fried chicken, large bowls of yummy potato salad, huge bowls of fruit salad, trays of sandwiches, meat and cheese trays, dip, home made peanut butter cookies and home made oatmeal raisin cookies and a cake that was white and pink and said Congratulations Nancy on it with two little pics that were of a pink ribbons.
Our friends and family:
Jerry, Brenda, Tyler, Taleah, Dom (Taleahs study & friend)
Tom, Kris, Stephanie
Jan, Marvin
Chardon, Binnie, Conlan
Mike, Lisa Gerhke
Paul, Shari Birch
Elwyn, Donna Hamilton , Mable Svein
Curtis, Lisa, Risa, Rachel Cooper, Pat Cooper
Linda Erlinbush
Rob, Gayle Barnes
Linda Bowen
Tawnya Tomilla
Jessica VonRock
Jan McCollister
Joyce Agliam
Mike said prayer before we ate and it made me want to cry. Everyone visited, had lunch and mingled. There was nice time had by all!
I was surprised and also surprised that no one leaked the info!
When it was all over, and everyone was gone mom said " I cant believe I pulled it off! It went well!!"
Thanks mom. I love you! What a great surprise.
As I have posted in recently, I am not done completely. I still have to go through radiation and go to Kaiser until my projected end date of June 16, 2011. But I am convinced that even if radiation is bad, it can not be worse than the chemo! The worst part, in my mind, is over with!
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Radiation Appointment
Today I met with Dr. Choong Kim the radiation Dr. at St. Johns Medical Center. I have met with him one other time back on March 9th.
This appointment was almost an exact repeat of the last one.
He checked my scars, told me I would be scheduled for 33 treatments and that they would be Monday through Friday.
Can't wear any lotion or deodorant on that side while I am having radiation. The actual radiation appointment is suppose to take 10 to 15 minutes and that waiting my turn in the office will be longer than the actual treatment.
Also asked if I would be working during treatment. I said, "yes , I am going to try to ". He thought that was good. Said that most people who live an active life of working, and running errands, exercising ext. held up better under treatment.
Radiation will have four side effects: 1) Tiredness 2) sunburn/blisters/aches in the area 3)emotional roller coaster 4) possibility of developing Lymphodema. 5 to 10% of patients will develop this.
He did tell me that I most likely will have the a difficult time in the area under my arm where the surgery was to remove the lymph nodes. This part of the surgery they didn't use stitches when they were done, it looked like they glued the pieces of skin back together. He also said that I am just a little bit still swollen from the surgery.
Nothing to much new since the last time I saw him.
My next appointment in radiation is Sept 13th to set up what they call a planning session. To discuss my treatment, payments, make the molds they will use and to mark me with three little tattoos so they can line up the machines exactly where they need to be.
This appointment was almost an exact repeat of the last one.
He checked my scars, told me I would be scheduled for 33 treatments and that they would be Monday through Friday.
Can't wear any lotion or deodorant on that side while I am having radiation. The actual radiation appointment is suppose to take 10 to 15 minutes and that waiting my turn in the office will be longer than the actual treatment.
Also asked if I would be working during treatment. I said, "yes , I am going to try to ". He thought that was good. Said that most people who live an active life of working, and running errands, exercising ext. held up better under treatment.
Radiation will have four side effects: 1) Tiredness 2) sunburn/blisters/aches in the area 3)emotional roller coaster 4) possibility of developing Lymphodema. 5 to 10% of patients will develop this.
He did tell me that I most likely will have the a difficult time in the area under my arm where the surgery was to remove the lymph nodes. This part of the surgery they didn't use stitches when they were done, it looked like they glued the pieces of skin back together. He also said that I am just a little bit still swollen from the surgery.
Nothing to much new since the last time I saw him.
My next appointment in radiation is Sept 13th to set up what they call a planning session. To discuss my treatment, payments, make the molds they will use and to mark me with three little tattoos so they can line up the machines exactly where they need to be.
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