Blog privacy

The question was asked, how private do I want this blog to be? To tell the truth, I want it to be very open and honest. I have in fact been wanting to put some things on here about medically what the surgery did, was like, my feelings now as I am healing from the surgery. As to who knows about it, reads it, posts on it, even to asks questions I am open to all of it. If it can help me get my feelings out, even though most of time I am crying about something or another, or maybe help someone else understand it a little better that's great. I was crying the other day just out of the blue and Richard asked me what was going on, I told him "its just that everyone cares so much and it makes me cry" Yesterday I said I don't want all my conversations to be about me and cancer. but I am already finding that difficult, that's all that's in my mind. Even riding in the car with my mom yesterday, after we had talked about it a little bit, there was an awkward time neither of us said anything, just sat there. it was tough for me, I wanted to cry. But there is so much more to life than than this cancer and I want to continue doing things I have always done, to have my sense of humor, to have fun and in time I will. Right now I think i have so many feelings of sadness, how can this be happening?, why me?, now what? just trying to really wrap my mind around the idea that I, Nancy Smith have breast cancer and not really knowing how to understand that. then I feel all my emotion is about me, what about Richard? I know he must be scared to. If I was him, I would be. To have to sit back and watch your spouse be in pain, suffer,know whats coming with the chemo etc. has to be hard on him. But his hasn't shown it too much. He is always so positive when we talk about it and I love him for that. And since we are sleeping in separate bedrooms right now due to the fact I still have my drain and with my surgery I cant get into our bed because it sets too high so I am in the spare bedroom makes me sad too. I cant even have any quiet time with him. You know the conversations just before you fall off to sleep. I go to my bedroom and when he's ready, he goes to his. kinda weird to do every night! Hopefully when the drain comes out, i will be able to lift myself up into the bed with one arm, or find something to stand on to get into our bed so I don't have to lift my arm up too far. Hope that answered some of the privacy questions! but feel free to ask me anything, suggest anything, recommend anything.